I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
