If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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