So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
