Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
