I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize