i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
