hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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