I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
