I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
