I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
