just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
