I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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