She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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