My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
