someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
