I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you had me at cake vodka
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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