nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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