All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
