I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
