hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
