marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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