Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
