so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
