Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
