The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
