I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
