Sry I called you an 8
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
