I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
