Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
