The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
