why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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