I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
