Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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