Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
