cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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