my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize