There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize