I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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