I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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