i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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