does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
