I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize