i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
