When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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