Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
