That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
