I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
