Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
