I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
