if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
