i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
