I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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