I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
