so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
