Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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