Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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