I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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