the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
