who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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