I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
