thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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