Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
