I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
