I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
