I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize