Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
