Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
