mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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