That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
