I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
