Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
