if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
