I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
