No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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