Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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