My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
