I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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