it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I want a musical about memes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
