tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
