I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
