He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
