i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
