ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
