I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
