Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize