I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize