Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
