we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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