I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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