It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
