So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
