Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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