somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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