I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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