remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
