Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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