it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
