I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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