U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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