The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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