he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
