Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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