Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
