so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
