If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
