Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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